


Steve Can't Even

by InvisbleDragon



Series: 2017 Calendar Challenge [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint get off the Furniture, Clint is a child, Getting Banned From Walmart, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Slash, Implied Smut, M/M, Multi, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers-centric, Steve is Done With Their Shit, The Kicked Out of Walmart List, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony is a child, Tony-centric, Very Much Implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:51:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisbleDragon/pseuds/InvisbleDragon
Summary: Tony is excited, Clint is all for this, Steve is exasperated, and Bucky is happy.-Or-Tony gets to go shopping, Clint gets to drive, Steve is frustrated, and Bucky has sex.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really should hide. This is the closest I've come to ever writing smut, and the way I seem to keep sidling up to the actually topic, I give it a the very latest July until I'm writing smut. *sigh* Well at least my mood music is correct.

"We have a mission." Steve announced that morning at breakfast, as Clint was sitting on top of the refrigerator in his pyjamas; an old tank top and some sweatpants, as he dug into a bowl of sugar cereal. Steve himself was eating a bowl of plain oatmeal with a side of sliced banana and strawberries, with a glass of milk at his elbow as he tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the folded newspaper in his lap.

Bucky, although hearing what Steve heard, didn't look up from attempting to murder the apple he was peeling with his eyes. With a few deft strokes of the knife, Bucky sliced off the rest of the peel in one long strip and flicked it into the trashcan, even as he sliced the apple into bite sized pieces and tossed the core in after the peel.

With a slight bump of his heel, he closed the trashcan and pulled the peanut butter jar to him. He glared at the sight of the jar, Steve had somehow gotten it into his mind that Clint and Tony were unhealthy in their eating habits and took whatever opportunity there was to buy the healthy or organic version of whatever food was available.

Case in point, organic peanut butter. Bucky shrugged and popped the lid off with his metal thumb. Better it be organic peanut butter than that freaky organic almond butter he had bought the last time around. Now that had been disgusting, and no one had wanted to touch it, except Thor who they had  somehow convinced to eat some of it, and even he had declared it to be the most unsavory of all Midgardian foods he had at this point sampled at any one point in time. He had taken the jar with him, and that had been the last they'd seen of it. Apparently he had given it to his lady love, his precious Lady Jane. But Bucky mused, knowing that Jane too was a scientist who binged in the laboratory and ate unusual things, she probably had eaten I on day four or so of her workout binge. It had been known to happen before.

Bucky grimaced at some of the things that they had found a list of floating around in J.A.R.V.I.S.'s servers shortly after the beginnings of their relationship. He still wondered how Tony had eaten screws and hadn't needed to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. J.A.R.V.I.S. hadn't answered, but had simply highlighted the cause- DUM-E's smoothies.

Bucky shivered, even as he dug into the peanut butter with his apple slices with relish. Clint piped up with a question as he was now nursing a cup of coffee and wasn't eating Krave by the bowlful. "What kind of mission?"

Steve sighed and answered. "The worst kind of mission."

Bucky paled. "No. Not-"

Steve nodded gravely. "Yes. It's Tony's turn to go shopping."

Clint sweared softly, even as Tony bounded into the kitchen with a grin on his face.

_ Language _ , mouthed Steve over Tony's head as Tony bounced over for the buff blonde for his early morning kiss. Clint scowled at Steve as Tony turned towards Clint to steal his coffee. Tony drank the coffee like Clint's dog ate pizza, and placed the cup on the counter as he ran his hand across his mouth to wipe away any spare drops of liquid, even as he grinned apologetically at Bucky.

"Are you slow pokes ready yet?" He taunted, even as he reached into the pocket of his, correction Clint's purple hoodie and pulled out the keys to his modified, and not completely street legal Audi R8. "It's my turn to go shopping and I know I'm not allowed out alone without supervision anymore, since you all decided to be meanies and get my kicked out AND banned from the last store."

Clint cackled and tossed out his hand for a high five. "Yeah and it was awesome!" Did you see the color of that store manager? I thought his head was going to blow up!"

Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered to Bucky "Why did we ask both of them again?" who had come to clap Steve on his back, before reaching down and stealing a kiss.

Bucky chuckled and muttered back, "It completely beats me as to why you think I'm any better than them, I got us banned from the deli, remember?" before leaning back in and ravishing Steve's lips thoroughly, leaving them a deep pink that faded slowly enough that there was still a hint of color left in them by the time he and Bucky had made it down to the garage, only to find the door open and the Audi gone.

"Shit." Steve swore, as J.A.R.V.I.S. played the lovely video message that Clint and Tony had left behind.

_ “Since you and Bucky are busy playing tonsil hockey in the kitchen, I think Clint and I will go play a little game called Let's See What Gets Us Banned From Walmart. If you don't already know, we'll be at Walmart. Have fun you two, and remember, no messes on the countertops!”  _ The video ended with Tony tossing the car keys to Clint, and climbing into the car in the passenger seat, and hanging out of the window with his complete upper half, giving a completely ridiculous peace sign to the closest camera.

Bucky blinked slowly and then grinned. This would definitely be worth going after to watch, especially if Steve was going to throttle them later.

And it completely was worth it. Angry sex was always more delicious with a pissed off Steve. Bucky mused later, as he recalled what had instigated this bout of fucking. He shivered at the sight of Steve and Tony moving together in delicious unison in the middle of the bed, even as he cradled Clint's unconscious body on the side of the bed, thoroughly feeling blissed out.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/invisbledragon).


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